IT'S NOT ILLEGAL TO BREAK UP WITH THE NICE GUY

I get it. He's nice. He treats you well, remembers the little things and never leaves you wondering where you stand. Your friends love him, your family definitely loves him and every time you even hint that you're unsure, someone says the exact same thing: "There aren't good men out there anymore." So instead of asking yourself if you're happy, you start asking yourself what's wrong with you. Because if this isn't enough, then what is?

For the longest time, I genuinely thought I was the problem. I thought maybe I'd watched too many romantic movies, maybe I expected too much or maybe I just wasn't ready for a healthy relationship. Because how could I possibly want to leave someone who had done absolutely nothing wrong? We almost make women feel guilty for not falling in love with a good man, as if love is a choice you make out of gratitude. He's nice. He loves you. Be grateful. But gratitude and love are two completely different things, even if we've spent years pretending they're not.

I also think we've become obsessed with the idea that chemistry isn't that important. We're told to find someone respectful, loyal and emotionally available, and of course those things matter. They matter a lot. But since when did wanting passion become unrealistic? Since when did wanting to look at your boyfriend and think God, I really love this person become something immature? Somewhere along the way, we started acting like butterflies were for teenagers and settling was a sign of emotional maturity. I don't know who came up with that, but I don't think I agree.

The hardest part is that nothing is actually wrong. There was no cheating, no lying, no betrayal, no dramatic story to tell your friends over dinner. You just wake up one day and realise you've been trying really hard to feel something that never quite arrived. And that's a horrible thing to admit because it sounds selfish. It sounds ungrateful. But isn't it even more selfish to stay? Imagine finding out years later that someone only stayed with you because they felt bad leaving. I'd rather have my heart broken than be someone's guilty conscience.

I think that's why so many people stay longer than they should. Not because they're deeply in love, but because they're terrified. What if I never find someone like him again? Dating is hard, everyone keeps saying good people are rare and suddenly fear starts making your decisions for you. You confuse comfort with compatibility, and before you know it, you've convinced yourself that "good enough" is probably all anyone gets. Maybe that's true. I honestly don't think it is.

People also act like every breakup needs a villain. If he didn't cheat, if he didn't disrespect you, if he didn't become toxic, then why would you leave? Why isn't "I'm just not happy" enough? Why do we need someone to do something terrible before we're allowed to admit that our heart isn't in it anymore? I don't think you should have to wait for someone to become a bad boyfriend before you're allowed to stop wanting them as your boyfriend.

Maybe I feel so strongly about this because I've lived it. I've dated the guy who checked every box. The one everyone thought I'd end up with. And every night I'd have the same conversation with myself: Give it more time. Maybe love grows. Maybe this is what adulthood feels like. But deep down, I knew I wasn't waiting for love to grow. I was waiting for myself to stop feeling guilty enough to leave. Those are very different things.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe some people really do fall in love slowly. Maybe chemistry grows with time. I actually hope it does for some people. But I also know this: I don't want to build a life with someone because they're the safest choice. I want to build a life with someone because every part of me knows it's them. 

So no, I don't think it's illegal to break up with the nice guy. I think the truly unfair thing is staying with someone who's somebody else's soulmate while you keep trying to convince yourself they're yours.